All Hallow’s Read

Happy Halloween

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, who’s doing NaNoWriMo? I don’t do much for Halloween, because I’m usually thinking about the novel I need to start tomorrow.

So, is there anything that does excite me about Halloween? Funny you should ask. There’s an event called All Hallow’s Read, which suggests that you give a friend or loved one a book for Halloween.

You know if there are books involved, I’m all over it. I found out about it last year when Neil Gaiman helped promote it by giving away a wonderful story he’d written, called “Click-Clack the Rattlebag”. He read it in his lovely, plummy voice, and Audible gave it away to anyone who could download it by October 31, 2012. They donated $1 to DonorsChoose.org, too. Sadly, “Click-Clack the Rattlebag” is no longer available at any price, at least as far as I know. Correct me if I’m wrong, please!

So I can’t offer you the Neil Gaiman story I wanted you to have. I can’t even tell you where to buy it. But don’t let that stop you from giving someone a book for Halloween.

Anyway, in the generous tradition of Audible.com (and as a consolation prize), I’m offering a story I wrote for Halloween last year. It’s not Neil Gaiman, but, hey, it’s free. My inspiration was the theatrical superstition connected to saying the name of a famous Scottish play by Shakespeare. If you’re not familiar with the superstition, here’s a short primer, courtesy of The Simpsons:

 

Without further ado, here’s my ghost story:

I Write Like Who?

   Apparently I write like Neil Gaiman!

Okay, I guess that’s only true for the first few paragraphs of just one of my stories. When I added an extra paragraph from the same story, my result was Raymond Chandler.

I just discovered a site called “I Write Like” which may end up being (for me) one of the biggest time drains on the Internet. Who wouldn’t preen at being compared to somebody like Neil Gaiman? Or Raymond Chandler?

Most of the big buzz about this site happened in 2010, so you can see how out-of-the-loop I am. But if you haven’t tried this site, check it out with your own writing. You’ll be amazed at how wonderful you are. I also apparently write like Chuck Palahniuk, Kurt Vonnegut,  and William Shakespeare.

   

Will and me…we’re like this. He’s the one in the fancy collar.

I quit pasting my text into the “I Write Like” text box once I hit William Shakespeare. How do you top that? Of course, I didn’t think I could do better than Neil Gaiman and then I got Kurt Vonnegut. Not that one is better than the other (okay, feel free to disagree; post your opinion in the comments section below). It’s just that I knew Vonnegut before I knew Gaiman. But seriously, how can you do better than Shakespeare?

   

Cue angelic choirs

I guess maybe if you got a combo response: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, all rolled into one. Even then, I’m not so sure. That might just mean you’re inconsistent. Those guys didn’t agree on everything.

Anyway, I have my doubts about this site. I find it interesting that I’ve never received a result that compared me to a female writer. Do they only have male writers in their database? How does this thing work, anyway?  Let’s try this one and see if I break the analyzer:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Hall is let at last?”

And…enter!

Okay, they passed the test. They have at least one female writer in their database. Not only that, they know when you enter one of said female writer’s most famous passages into their text box, and obligingly tell you that you write just like Jane Austen. At least it proved true with my poorly-thought-out experiment.

For those who’d like a little more information about this meme, here’s an interview with the site’s creator, Dmitry Chestnykh.

In the meantime, I need to go write while I’m still channeling Shakespeare.